How Quick the Tides Turn

Well I guess it's about time I update this since things have changed drastically since I last posted.

I'll say that it was encouraging to hear so many people relate to not knowing what to do with their gap year, and/or a time when they felt directionless and like nothing was working out. My brother-in-law gave me a call and talked with me a lot about Habakkuk 1:5--“Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."
Basically, trust the Lord to do great things. What He has planned is so great that even if He told us now we wouldn't believe Him. Also, tying that into the sermon from this past Sunday, if He told us now where He wanted to take us instead of guiding us one step at a time, we wouldn't be willing to go through the difficult things He has for us to get to the good stuff. It's good to remember, and be reminded, that God is in control and has a plan.

How quickly I have been reminded of that as these past few weeks have been a complete 180. For starters, I basically stumbled upon a job doing one of my favorite things-baking!! A woman at my church who works as a baker at Billy Vanilly, a cupcakery downtown, was telling us at craft group how they were looking to hire new bakers. After briefly asking her about it, I had an interview set up with the manager, and within days had been hired! So far I love it and am ready to be on my own as a baker and make it mine.

A brief sample of the cupcaking I've done at Billy!

But the real excitement has been Joey's surprise visit to town this past weekend!
I was finishing up my morning shift at Billy when Katie texted me and asked if I wanted to grab lunch. I like eating and I like Katie, so I agreed.
While walking down the street discussing options for where to eat, I heard someone behind me say, "Excuse me, ma'am, I think you dropped this.
I turned around and some tall guy was coming out of the shadows. Then I realized it was Joey, holding the rose I had "dropped," and promptly punched him in the chest, pushed him, hugged him, and yelled things such as "What are you doing here?" "Why?" "Where did you come from?" "What's going on?" and "I don't even know what to think!!"

Next thing I knew, Joey was down on one knee, saying "Well, what do you think about this?" and pulled out a ring!!

Joey: "I would like to marry you."

Me: "YESYESYESYESYES!!!"

And that's pretty much it! A few people clapped when it was over, and the girl scouts selling cookies nearby offered us a free box of cookies! 

We made our way over to the Burger Stand and ran into some friends who snapped the best/happiest photo ever, since we were 10-minutes, freshly engaged, and I was delirious from being awake and working for 8 hours.

 This photo is from once we (mainly, me) were cleaned up to celebrate with friends and family! Gosh, I love this man a lot and still can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with him! MM. Look at him! What a hunky guy I have.

Anyways. I'll try not to gush too much.

Long story short: the Lord is sovereign and has perfect timing, I am impatient, and I get to marry the man of my dreams.

Welcome to the Gap

Well well. I've thought about blogging several times since I've begun my "gap year," and today I finally reached my tipping point and needed a place to share my life (aka vent).

First off, some pics from my gap year thus far:

Joey & I at a wedding in Vail, CO.

Me, Scot (brother) & Emily (sister-in-law), doing the Color Run.

My precious nephew, Cody, that I've gotten to spend some quality time with as roommates.

This is my bus. I am a bus driver.

It's weird thinking back to a year ago. A year ago, I was taking the GRE and looking at grad schools. A year ago I was walking home with Joey, my then-classmate/acquaintance/after-class-frisbee-partner, now-boyfriend, and telling him I wasn't sure where I'd end up but was almost certain I wouldn't be in Lawrence after I graduated. He told me he didn't want to be in Denver, and look where we both are. Also, a year ago I was thinking I wouldn't find a guy for a few years at least.
Funny how things change.

One thing I've learned so far in this gap year is that the only thing constant is change. I know, I know. Everyone says that. I never understood it until I didn't have any actual structure in my life. I feel like people must think I'm crazy. Every time anyone asks me what I'm doing, even if they asked me the day before, I give a different answer. A week ago I was seriously job-hunting in Denver to move there ASAP. Yesterday I was waiting to hear about Teach for America (TFA), and planning on going wherever they sent me. Today I'm living with my brother and his wife and their 2 1/2-year old son.

But, today, everything is different.
I've suspended my Denver job-hunt as I got a job baking cupcakes downtown. (One of my life dreams is to own a bakery; this experience is too great to pass up!) Thus, I am no longer planning on moving to Denver ASAP, which means long-distance dating will continue.
Today I heard from TFA. I didn't get accepted, which is kind of what made me reach the tipping point to start this thing.
This weekend I'm turning in all of my military gear, as my six-year commitment is over this month.
Next week I'll be moving out of my brother's house and into my parent's house.

The biggest shaker right now is the TFA. I didn't want to admit it but I was just assuming I would get in. I felt great about my interview. My friends told me there was no way I couldn't get accepted. So I put my hope in getting to do that next year. So now what?
My mistake was checking my email while I was at work (I drive buses) and reading the email. This led to me driving a bus and trying not to cry. Hugest lump in my throat ever.
I texted Joey, and he told me all the right things:

"I'm sorry... that stinks...you'll still have plenty of opportunities in other jobs and things you want to do." 

"We'll find something. God will provide!"

I was telling myself these same things. Even thinking about how this time next year we will probably look back and think "Praise the Lord Kelsie didn't get TFA. [insert situation here] is so much better." But it's so hard for me to have this perspective when I don't get what I want. I'm used to getting what I want.

I don't have any words of wisdom to share right now. I don't have uplifting thoughts. I want to say:

"I can see God working in this! So far this year I've learned [insert stories of amazing faith and trust in the Lord] and have been trusting in His plan."

but what I'm really thinking is:

"What the heck am I gonna do now? I know You have a plan but why can't I just know it now? I'm tired of not knowing, of being directionless, of feeling quasi-homeless, of having every door I knock on go unopened. AAAAAAARRGGGHHHHH."

So welcome to my gap year.